fail fast, succeed faster: how to overcome failure

Introduction

If you’re reading this, I’ve probably failed.

Failed to become an overnight blogging star, a multimillionaire YouTuber—gosh, I’ve probably even failed to reign in a hundred views, let alone a thousand.

Yet here I am, sitting at my laptop, typing this out to both fulfil an unkindled childhood dream and to overcome a crippling fear. The former is something I believe is probably universal in our generation. I think we’ve all thought about becoming YouTubers at some point, or for my nerdier audience members, maybe even bloggers, authors, poets.

The latter fear is also a widespread phenomenon, made even bigger by social media: namely an omnipresent fear of failure that dictates our every move and stops us from taking risks. Who are we, if we don’t reach a certain number of likes? Are we worth anything if we aren’t successful? Should we ever try something new if there’s a possibility it will fail?

So many of us start out with these big, uncomplicated dreams that fall apart along the way. Is it a lack of time? A lack of motivation? Or is it all just a big fear of failure?

Signs You’re Scared of Failure

  • You overthink

We’ve all been there once. The empty page, the nagging piece of coursework you just can’t bring yourself to start. Maybe it’s a gym routine that you have planned out – maybe you’ve even bought the membership – yet you’re still in your room, thinking about doing it but worrying about… Well, everything.

Examples include: will other people judge me? Will the result be worth all the effort? Will it all be a waste of time, or money—will it all fail, or, more terrifyingly, will I be banished as a social reject my whole life, because everyone’s preying on my downfall and waiting to outcast me?

  • You overplan

 Maybe you don’t ask yourself these questions because your fear of failure, your fear of imperfection, manifests itself in other ways. Have you ever cleaned your room instead of doing the work you’re supposed to be doing? I’ve caught myself doing other ‘productive’ things, such overplanning and overresearching, instead of sitting down and actually writing the work. I was so scared of starting, and getting things wrong, that I would actually waste more time thinking about it than actually doing it.

In my case, I’ve always been a control freak: from calendars to schedules to copious amounts of time spent customising Notion, organising my time has always been my forté, my comfort. It was a superpower, almost, being able to juggle so many things and have them neatly sorted in a to-do list only moments later. I prided myself on my ability to turn a messy conglomeration of pending tasks into a simple, step-by-step plan.

It was only when I began this blog that I realised that this propensity to plan only worked if it was used complementarily amongst other, more important skills. I’m talking hitting the ‘publish’ button. Sending the CV. Ignoring the imperfections and simply doing it.

If I had ignored this (strangely powerful) need to do things perfectly, I would have started ages ago.

Progress over perfection, always.

  • You procrastinate

Sometimes, procrastination also manifests itself as a coping mechanism to deal with this fear of failure. You wait until the very last moment to start the assignment. In doing so, yes, you’re avoiding potential pain, potential boredom, potential suffering… But also potential learning. Potential success. The thing is: we never really know until we try, and sometimes, you just have to rip off the plaster and give it a shot.

But how do we reframe this mindset? How do we stop this self-sabotage? After all, time is precious, and even more so when you have deadlines to reach.

The answer is easier than you think.

How to Get Over a Fear of Failure

Self-improvement should be one of our most important goals in life. We should aim to be our best selves, to enjoy the world around us and make the most of every moment. With everything the world has to offer (and I mean this, genuinely, in the most non-cringey way), why do we waste time doing things we don’t even want to be doing? Why are we rotting in bed, doomscrolling on TikTok, when we could be discovering a hobby you didn’t even know you liked? Getting over your fear of failure and at the same time, out of your comfort zone, opens you up to a whole new realm of possibilities. What if you could redefine yourself? What if you could actually do the things you dream of doing?

Spoiler alert: you can.

  • Tip 1: Exposure Therapy.

Practice makes perfect, right? We can apply this idea to failure, too. It sounds weird, practising failure, when so much of our self worth is based upon this idea of ‘success’.

In school, we’re pretty much defined by our grades. We can’t afford to fail, we can’t afford to get an F. At work, we’re defined by our productivity. We can’t afford to fail, we can’t afford to miss a day.

And this applies to pretty much any other aspect of our life. With society screaming at us to be perfect, how can we possibly practise failure without compromising ourselves?

The trick is to start small. Challenge yourself to try something new once a day. The point is to prioritise failure – or at least consciously seek a possibly for failure – because if we don’t make the decision to fail, we won’t allow ourselves to. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable, vulnerable. Because it gets easier the more you do it, and soon enough, you’ll be learning at an exponentially higher rate than you were before. It sounds counterintuitive (how does purposeful failure lead to success?) but the skills you pick up while failing constitute your later successes. You’re learning more about yourself, how your brain and your body works, and by knowing yourself, you know just how much you’re capable of.

Here’s a list of actionable mini-risks you can try. Document your feelings before and after—what did you learn?

  • Post something out of your comfort zone.
  • Wear a weird scarf, or funky glasses that don’t entirely suit you
  • Try a new drink
  • Listen to a genre of music you wouldn’t normally listen to
  • Sign up for a club or a volunteering activity
  • Try a new workout class
  • Explore new hobbies, such as crochet, painting, skateboarding etc. Devote less time to your phone and more time to trying new activities!

This fearlessness is exactly what we should be striving for. You don’t get anywhere by doing things everyone else is doing: but there’s no way to suddenly go from not taking risks to jumping head-first into a business venture.

Risk-taking and bravery are skills, not innate personality traits, and best of all, they can be developed for free.

In summary: allow yourself to fail, learn, and only then will you succeed.

Rather than telling yourself, ‘just do it,’ which can be overwhelming, say, ‘just get started.’”


– Timothy A. Pychyl, author of Solving the Procrastination Puzzle
  • Step 2: Stop caring about others’ opinions

As teenagers, and I suppose even as adults (I’ve only been 18 a month—give me a break), we’re all susceptible to a desire to fit in. It’s an evolutionary thing, as social animals, and it’s also a spectrum. I know people who warp themselves entirely depending on the group of people they’re with, but I also know people who go against every social norm possible. But we all seek understanding, support, connection. It’s normal to want people to like you.

This, however, should only come after your own peace of mind.

Think: should I care about what this person thinks of me?

If your intentions are good—helping yourself, helping others—why should you care if they have something to say? You’re the one taking the risk and being brave in your actions. If anything, that’s something you should be proud of! Your real friends will have your best intentions in mind when they give you advice.

Obviously, it’s easier said than done, but again, it gets easier the more you do it. Trust me, if I, a pretty reserved and private person, can post a whole YouTube video with my face in it—so can you! Take a risk, get out of your comfort zone. It’ll be worth the experience, no matter the result.

  • Step 3: Celebrate the successes… And the failures!

Failing, we’ve established, means you’ve tried. And if you’ve given it your best shot, the best thing you can do to deal with failure is to acknowledge your efforts.

  • Make a list of what you’ve learned.

This will allow you to reframe the idea of failure. The focus is on the process, not the outcome.  You’ve picked up skills and learned things you wouldn’t have done, had you never taken the risk.

  • Give yourself grace.

A bit of empathy can go a long way. You’re still alive, right? So there are plenty more chances to try again. Appreciate what you have already, and accept failure as it comes.

  • Take a break.

Again, this goes against the whole concept of hustle culture (as does the idea of failure in the first place!) but there’s no point burning yourself out until you’ve ‘succeeded’. Relax, reframe your mind, and try a different tactic. If you’re struggling to study, change location. If your social media account is tragically flopping, try posting a reel instead of a post.

Remember: the faster you fail, the faster you succeed.

Conclusion

If you’ve self-diagnosed yourself as having a ‘crippling fear of failure’ – much like yours truly—I hope this article has given you some food for thought. It can be a draining habit, but one easily fixed through patient and consistent work.

In summary:

  • The more you fail, the more you learn
  • The more you learn, the faster you succeed.

So what’s one fear you’re going to face today? Share it in the comments, and let me know how it goes!

Best of luck,

Carlota xxx

Images courtesy of Ron Lach


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